Peter Pan Syndrome

I was sitting in my first master's class. I fidgeted with my pencil, pulled out my paper and adjusted in the most uncomfortable, padded seat. I looked around the room making mental notes about the other students. Yes, I'm the type who makes quick assumptions about others and tries to size up the room for the soul purpose of seeing where I fall into the mix; leaving my huge insecurities bleeding all over the desk in front of me.

"You are here because you are interested in starting your own private practice business," said the professor.

Um.... no.... I'm here for the play therapy class, I thought.

Apparently the class title and what the professor was planning to teach were two very different things.

I started classes to pursue a masters in counseling; my first adult step forward in about 10 years. I'm not positively convinced this is the road for me, but I also know I can't just keep doing the same old. I know it's time for me to take a step forward and this is the only step I want to take right now. I think. Maybe.

Awesome, I'm taking a course I should probably be taking at the end of my school career, I thought as the professor continued to mumble something about private practice, of which I didn't understand. I looked around to see if anyone else was just as lost as me but, of course, it was just me. I settled into my seat, quickly realizing it was going to be a long weekend. Ugh.

Later in the evening the professor began talking about dreams. "Why do you want to open up your own business? Why do you want to counsel children, individuals and families? If nothing was stopping you, what would you want to do with your time and energy? Write down your thoughts. Don't let your pencil stop you. You are the only one who can stop yourself. The time is now to turn those has been dreams into reality."

As I looked down at my pencil and paper, a moment flooded over me. It was this moment of realization that I am an adult right now. (Duh!) I do have the potential to complete school and open up a business and do what I love to do. (Duh!) I am no longer a child in waiting or a teenager in training. I am here. I am an adult. It is time. I've dreamed of getting my master's degree and now here I am, sitting in this seat, doing what I thought I would do... someday.

Now, I do realize how basic all of this sounds, but have you ever stopped and really realized the time is not in the past or what's to come, but the time is now!? Cliche, I know, but true nonetheless. Is it just me or do you ever feel like you are just a big-little kid masquerading through life waiting for the real act to start? Like all we do is play house and work and somehow we keep waiting for the real life to settle in. Except it's here -this is the adult life we've been waiting for. It's right now.

Maybe I'm the only one stuck in a Peter Pan kind of syndrome.

Don't get me wrong. I know why I avoid all responsibilities of adulthood. It's easier to live for the adventure, not thinking about tomorrow. It's easier to spend the money today rather than save for tomorrow. It's easier eating the delicious dessert and promising to work it off tomorrow. I want to live in the comfortable life of today; it's easier this way. However, I'm learning that easy doesn't always mean it's the best for me.

Suffice it to say, thanks to the class I wasn't expecting to take, I'm starting to realize that I can't keep living so close to Never Never Land. Now is the time to start making dreams, real dreams that I've always had, come true.

What dreams do you have? You know, the kind that keep getting put off for when you are a real adult with real money and real potential?

Eyes on the Ball (or frisbee)

Dogs.

Who doesn't love them?!

My dogs are like my children. I treat them like my children, too. I talk to them and when I say that, I mean I have full on conversations with them and I know they know what I'm saying. Some days they are precious and adorable and all I want to do is snuggle with them. Then there are the other days where they cause havoc on the house and their energy level outlasts mine for the entire evening. They are my joy and pain all in two little fur balls. I'm sure this is how moms of real humans feel except the older the real human gets, the more back talk there is and I guess there is probably more mess too.

Since I'm now in my 30s and still do not have children, it can be difficult, at times, to relate to my friends with kiddos... but thankfully, my dogs keep me dialed into the momma language, at least a little bit. (Okay, Okay, moms, I know it's not the same at all, but just let me go with it.)

My dog, Scout is quite the persistent little one. She is a Border Collie/Australian Shepherd mix. She has only one love in the entire world. Fetch.

She loves fetch so much that I swear she would play it until she fell over from exhaustion. She will lay outside with her balls and frisbees within paws reach and stare at the house for hours just waiting until the time comes where I give in to her love and throw the ball. There is nothing she loves more. Her focus is persistent and it doesn't change. Her entire life has been centered around her love for the game of fetch from puppy years on. She is made to move, run and love the game. Even as I write this, she sits waiting anxiously for the time to come. She never forgets her true love.

The other day I was throwing the ball for the 4th time that day and I started to think about it... she is dedicated and loyal and persistent to her one love.... It made me wonder: Has there ever been one thing that I have been completely persistent at? One thing that I have given my all to and never taken my eyes off of? One thing that I will sit there for hours, waiting for the time to be right, to do it or play it or give myself to it?

In a world that is ever changing: trading the old for new, swapping what's not cool for cool, or simply self-evolving for the next fad, I admire the persistence and focus of Scout. Her eyes are on the ball, no matter what.

I'm loyal to my family and those I love. I'm devoted to my faith. But sadly, I don't think I've had the same persistence to one hobby, craft, work or career. I want to find that same dedication. Obviously, Scout's a dog and I am not and there are many more variables at play in my life compared to a dog's, but the idea is there pushing me to find my focus, love, and passion for that one thing that takes my all. Nothing but my eyes on the ball (or frisbee).  

Photo cred: Michael Shaw