Beautifuls

Hi Friends,

As you can see, it has been too long since I have written. I have been so good at sticking to my goals  with this blog until now....

A week ago I jumped on a plane and flew 2, 262 miles to visit my new nephew, Zeek, and my sister and brother-in-law.  REFRESHING!

Growing up, my sister and I never got along and I am sure my parents often wondered if we would ever be friends. Now we are all grown up and things are very different. She has a little boy who is a bubble of laughter and overall, she and I have things to talk about. We have been together a week now and a fight has not yet occurred, although I have probably just jinxed us. It is a beautiful thing when we grow and change and learn to appreciate the things and people we never did as kids.

In making this blog short, I will get to the point:

BEAUTIFUL:

Vacation

the ocean

baby Zeek

baby Zeek laughing

sister friendship

a brother-in-law that tells dumb jokes

a mom and dad that love unconditionally  

In short, those are the beautifuls in my life right now, what are the beautifuls in yours?

Bye for now,

S

Mr. Netflix

I have to confess that this weekend I have been addicted to Netflix. Yikes! Mr. Netflix is like this adultnapper who draws you in with enticing stories and before you know it the couch has swallowed you up, the TV has taken you prisoner and Mr. Netflix just laughs because an entire day has seemingly vanished.

And you think I'm kidding, but really, documentaries have kind of been my weekend. There is something so interesting to me learning about other people; how they live or what they live for. Now please don't judge but here is the list of titles I have watched in the last week or so: The Queen of Versailles, First Position, Happy, The One Percent, and Vegucated. All of these documentaries had a different focus; from training to be professional ballerinas to going vegan, from being the top one percent wealthiest Americans to losing everything in a matter of months. These stories kept me glued to Mr. Netflix.

Now, after detoxing from my imprisonment, I find myself thinking back to those documentaries and asking one question: What do I live for? You see, one of the common denominators in each of those documentaries is that each person lived for something or someone. The ballerina lived for ballet. The vegan thrived on identity. The top one percent breathed money - they all lived for something and it was always something that gratified their own desires. Yet sadly, what they lived for was always something that could be taken away. An injury could destroy a ballerina's career, and money- no matter how much- could quickly vanish, leaving hope and security a distant memory. I even watched the Bachelorette last night and the contestants hopes for love was all they held onto. They sought after love, living for love because somehow they thought that it would make them happy and yet, we know that all of those things we strive for and live for will only satisfy for a season... and then what?

So again, I ask myself, what do I live for?

and I am reminded of a C.S. Lewis quote

 

 

Weak or Strong

I knew this man who took pride in being strong. He would often say in a strong, unwavering voice, "Don't be weak." As if he was reminding himself just as much as he was demanding it of me.Yet, I always sensed that underneath it all, he was simply scared that if he let down his guard he would crumble. As if he knew that if he let himself have a moment of weakness, he would shatter into a million pieces and he would never be able to put himself back together. It was almost as if fear was what kept him strong.

I suppose in this man's eyes I would be considered weak. Really, if I'm honest, I am. I can't open a silly jar of jam. I can barely bench press the weight of the bar and I always cry when I see a Folgers commercial. You know, the commercial when the brother comes home for Christmas after serving overseas. He sneaks into the house and brews a pot of coffee to wake up the family. The sister runs down the stairs in anxious anticipation and it's right as they hug and the Folgers music begins to play that I always lose it. I am weak and I can't fight it. Anyway, it's ironic because as much as this man fought to be strong (and he did a great job of it), you could always see it in his eyes. You could see that he was tired of being strong and that, so badly, he wanted to let weakness overtake him for just a moment because being strong was exhausting.

The scary thing about weakness is that it makes us vulnerable. We think that weakness opens the door for more hurt and pain and yet, I wonder if it does just the opposite. Perhaps weakness teaches us about strength. Perhaps weakness is strength. Maybe as we fight to be strong, we are missing out on all that weakness has to offer. Perhaps it opens the door to beautiful friendship, allows for God to work in ways that we could never imagine, and offers us rest that strength will never be able to offer.

As I think about the beauty that weakness may offer, it makes me want to embrace it all the more.  Even if it means that the Folgers commercials will continue to get me every time.

Full

The urge to write came quickly and strong this morning. I suppose the last few days I have been ignoring my computer because it seems like so many of my thoughts are fragmented; pieces here and there, all of which are spurred on from different aspects (more like worries) of my life. Yet, I can't seem to bring any of them together into a complete thought. They keep running in circles like a dog chasing his tail.

Fragmented thoughts:
School is slowing down. I am thankful and all I want to do is celebrate with my students but the paper grading is never ending and it is stressful. I think there must be a lesson about procrastination here. I have a house that is a mess and honestly, I have absolutely no motivation to do anything about it. I think about the word disciplined and think there might be a lesson here too. I keep going to fun parties which, of course, I can't say no to the delectable sweets and it makes me think of the word diet. I have friends that are moving and friends that are out of touch with me and it make think of the word friendship and sad.

~

Yesterday I had the privilege of throwing a baby shower for a dear friend. It was a morning shower which meant that I was up early; running in a hundred different directions. Clipping flowers. Cooking. Decorating. So many little details, all of which I wanted to be perfect because I wanted to make sure my friend felt loved. The morning was lovely. In fact, I thought the shower turned out close to perfect. After the guests left, I sat down in the backyard and took it all in; the decorations, the celebration of a new life, and the fellowship. My heart felt full.

Yet, there was something that tugged at me saying, "Sheila, you feel joy because of something much more than just because of a party." Then it came to me, it was about serving. It was about waking up really early on a Saturday morning {denying my desire to sleep in}. Cooking {for others}, decorating {for others}, doing whatever I could to make sure that others had an enjoyable morning. -That is what truly brought me joy.

Serving is what we are made for.

It is how we find contentment in the midst of worry, stress, or in an unsatisfied moment of life.

Surprisingly, I did not think about my fragmented thoughts and worries at all during the shower. Not once did I think about grading papers, cleaning my messy house, or worrying about friends who are out of touch with me. Goodbye procrastination, discipline, diets, etc. Instead, my focus shifted from myself to others and it felt good. Isn't it so true that when we deny ourselves for the sake of others; when we focus on serving then our worries quickly wash away.

Serving makes an empty heart full and a worrisome heart content.

 It's truly the way to a full life.

Blessings

 

Blessings.

They flutter down from Heaven

but they don't always arrive when we pray or wish for them
they linger until we least expect them 

They rarely come in beautiful wrapping paper

or in a flashy card

They aren't worth a million dollars

they rarely cost a dime.

 

Blessings.

They come when we are weary

when we forgot we needed one

They are delivered in the most unexpected ways

by unexpected messengers

They are easily recognized

and warmly accepted -often with tears-

Because they give such comfort to the soul.

 

Today's blessing came just as I was giving up

I flopped down at my desk

ready to call it a day

Words of Encouragement right there at eye level

from a sweet sweet student

tears started to roll.

 

Blessings.

They will find you when you least expect it

They are fluttering down all around

just waiting....

to find you 

to comfort your soul.



Lessons

One of the things I have always loved about teaching is that there is a distinct start and finish to each year. Teachers have the unique opportunity to measure growth and to evaluate areas where lessons have been learned (or, in some cases, are still being learned). As my school year is quickly coming to an end, I want to be intentional to reflect, so here are the top 5 lessons I have learned in the 2012-2013 school year:

5. Communication is key to any relationship/friendship. I think this is a lesson I will always be learning. Ignoring, bottling, hiding, or trying to push aside important thoughts and feelings will only work for so long and then it spills out into a mess. Communicating is often times very difficult, but it is the most powerful way to draw someone close or push them away.

4. Don't make assumptions. It is easy as a teacher to make grand assumptions about the intentions, or lack thereof, of my students. A pencil flies through the air, an assignment doesn't get turned in, a sarcastic comment is made and it is easy to assume the worst. However, most of the time students aren't being spiteful, they are just being junior high kids. This reminds me that most adults are the same way. Most of the time we don't mean to offend or hurt others, we are just adults doing our best to make it. Assumptions about motives just make life even more painful.

3. Keep an open heart. Sometimes tough lessons must be learned; it's part of life. The test comes with how the lessons are received. Most of the time I am stuck in my ways. I will admit, it's hard to show me when I'm wrong and I'm a challenge to teach new things to. This year I have learned that the more my heart is open to others, the more colorful and joy-filled my life can be. Relationships grow, perspectives change, the light at the end of the tunnel shines a little brighter.

2. Dance when your day looks sad. Perhaps it's just me and my goofy love for dancing, but really, some of the hardest days I have had this year have turned into some of the most memorable simply by turning on a little music and busting a few moves. It's really hard to not have a smile on my face when I am busting an awesome dance move. I guess, perhaps, the bigger lesson within this lesson is to look for opportunities to laugh, especially in the midst of a hard or stressful day. Life is too short to not laugh.

1. Ask. Friends, acquaintances, co-workers, students. etc.. they all have something they want to talk about. When I tutor students, the first thing I ask them is, "What was the highlight and lowlight of your day?" It is amazing what my students will tell me; the hurt in their lives, the exciting moments, the normal and regular days, the random things on their mind. They are simply waiting for someone to ask- to genuinely show an interest in their lives- because isn't that what we all want? For someone to genuinely care about the highs and the lows in our lives.

Life is funny. As I look back at these lessons, I realize that they aren't quite earth-shattering or deeply profound. They are simple lessons. Yet, as I think about our lives, as we grow and change, I wonder if that is what growth and maturity is all about; having patience to learn and relearn the same simple lessons of life and to help one another learn them as well.

Summer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These were just a few moments from my weekend that reminded me that summer is quickly approaching. Isn't summer beautiful? It's a season where you can take in the beauty of God's intricate and flawless creation. Where it seems as if God yells, "see my beauty! Take it in, take it all in." And we either take it in one moment at a time or we let it pass by without a second glance.

...

So here's to taking in the moments.

Smell the flowers

watch the sunset

or listen to the trees blow in the breeze.

 

Summer is coming and it is beautiful.