A Glimpse at a Time

Well hello again.

God has done a lot since the last time I was here. I'm not sure the best way to recap it all. Let's say, I've seen a lot of beautiful scenery. Rolling hills. Glowing green mountains. Fuchsia pink sunsets. Mighty trees. Vast lakes. A little Heaven on Earth -Idaho is like this and I'm becoming an Idaho girl a little more every day. I'm sure my Idaho ancestors would be proud.

I've met new people. Made new friends. Found laughter with many of them and have new memories to share with them. My old friends are still here too. I think I'm learning to open up a little more every day. I kind of feel like it's hard to do that as adult, but I'm learning to let go and let others in. It's a glimpse of beauty, really.

I have a new job! I'm a teacher; a job I was unsure of, but a career that is a way of life. I know I was made for it. I'm excited to have my own classroom again. It's the one thing I'm positively sure of in my life. I am a teacher. I was made for this. I can't run from it. It is inside of me. Always.

Most of all, I think God is teaching me that with patience comes beauty. He reminds me that in waiting, beautiful things spring to life. It's kind of like my adventures. I went hiking with a friend and on both of our hikes I settled for a pretty view rather than the beautiful view. I needed to be a little more patient for the real beauty to come into focus.

~ ~ ~

"Alyssa, these waterfalls are pretty! Let's eat lunch here!" I say with contentment.

"The map says that if we keep hiking for a little longer, there is supposed to be a better view. Something more beautiful!"

I roll my eyes, "Are you sure?"

"Come on, Sheila, let's keep hiking. It's going to be beautiful!"

A much better view indeed! Stories of falling water, tumbling over rocks and crashing to the river below.

"Wow! Now this is gorgeous!"

~ ~ ~

It's just like that hike for me. I settle for pretty when God wants to give me beautiful! He whispers,

Keep going, Sheila. Don't settle for the pretty view when the beautiful one is around the corner. Keep hiking.

So I do and God gives me a little glimpse of beautify just as I start to question.Whether it be a glimpse of beauty in the mountains, an exchanged smile with a friend, an "ah ha" moment with a student, or growth and love in a relationship. God is always giving us beauty a bit at a time... so to you, reading this, Keep hiking! The road may be long, but I promise the beauty is waiting for you! One glimpse at a time.

Hope looks something like this...

Hope. 

It's something I'm learning a lot about. It's a word our culture tends to throw into the wind like it's an average one dollar bill. It's part of our every day language. My guess is that it is used almost as often as the word love, yet, like love, it is a word that conveys great depth.

We say things like "I hope I get a bonus this month" or "I hope you have a good day".  "I hope you feel better" or "hopefully we will get there on time". Hope has become this ambiguous, boring word without the deep meaning. All this to say, hope has become so much more to me than a boring word we use so often. 

Hope is what is pushing me through unexpected life change. 

It's what reminds me that God has a beautiful plan in store. 

Hope is the air I breathe. 

The life I live. 

The laughter in my soul. 

Hope is being thankful for the beautiful life I've been given even when things don't go to plan.

God has given me a renewed sense of hope and he's done it through what I call the "beautifuls" in life.

It's in the everyday things; the things I quickly take for granted. It's the simple things which scream hope to me.

What does hope look like for you?

Tandeming Through Fallen Chains

The season has turned, the flowers have bloomed, and the air is finally warm. It's been perfect weather for riding a tandem bike. So the other day my boyfriend thought it would be a great idea to take the tandem on a longer ride on Hill road (a road that a lot of Boise cyclists ride). Of course it was a great idea and I was excited for the adventure! We were ready to be legit tandem(ers) (Yes, that's right, I just said tandemers). So we hit the road with our vintage, blue tandem.

Can I just say that we looked good! I think we even got a few hoops and hollers from motorists and pedestrians. There is just something about two people on one bike that puts a smile on spectators' faces. The first few miles were beautiful! We rode free and clear. Nothing was going to stop us! Wind in our hair. Fresh air on our faces. Freedom on the bike!

And then the chain fell off. Awesome.

We had ridden before where the chain had fallen off so we were not surprised, but seriously? How annoying! Especially after the momentum we had just gained! Thanks to Michael's handy, bike-mechanic skills, he was able to get the chain back on and off we went. 

Wind in our hair. Fresh air on our faces. Speed! Freedom! Laughter!

And then the chain fell off. Again.

We pulled over and I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed impossible for us to get anywhere on the old, rickety tandem. So Michael wrenched on the bike and I sat and laughed.

~ ~ ~ 

To be honest, in the midst of all the fun bike rides, this week has actually been pretty difficult. I kind of feel like my chains in life have completely fallen off and I'm not really sure how to put them back on. My brother moved back to his home town and I lost my job all within 24 hours. The questions of what next... now what... where are you going... what are you doing next....

all thrown on my door step, uninvited. 

Right when I was starting to get traction, momentum, wind in my hair... 

My chains in life fell off. 

~ ~ ~

Michael was able to get the chain back on and again we hit the road. As we rode a little longer, it became pretty obvious what the problem was. Whenever we rush it, went too fast, or hit a bump too hard, the chain fell off. We had to go slow and steady. Once we realized the problem, we got into a groove, "Slow, slow, slow! We don't have to rush! We don't have to push the bike faster than it can handle. Slow and steady! It's a leisurely bike ride," we would remind each other as we started to gain speed. It was pretty clear that the bike was strong enough to handle the ride, we just had to go slow and steady. We couldn't rush it. We couldn't get impatient. We had to take the road at a slow, steady pace. 

The chain stayed on the rest of the ride and we were able to get to our destination, even with some great laughs along the way.

~ ~ ~

And so I remind myself: I've had some set backs. My chain has unexpectedly fallen off, but just as I learned to ride the tandem ~slow and steady~, I can slowly ride my way through questions and life's unexpected bumps and turns. It may be a bumpy road, but if I take it slow and steady, I'll eventually make it to where I'm going... and perhaps I'll even be able to laugh about it.

Home away from Home

I'll admit it, since I've moved to Boise going to church has been a hit or miss kind of happening. But let me tell you, growing up as a PK (pastor's kid), I was at church all the time. I was the kiddo that ran around the church like she owned the place and to be honest, I kind of felt like I did. For years church was my second home. Any time I felt lost or alone, church always helped me feel found again. Sometimes it was about the people. Sometimes it was the sermon. But then there were other times when I sat in a pew in the quiet of the sanctuary with just me and God and I strangely felt at home. You know that feeling like no matter what is going on in the world outside, somehow you know you will be alright because you are home.

I've lost that feeling over the years. Blame it on age. Blame it on distractions of life. Blame it on what I may, I haven't felt at home at church for a long time...

Until this morning...

I visited my friend's church. There was nothing special about the building, the people, or the sermon (sorry), but this morning I was reminded of that feeling. I was reminded that no matter how crazy life gets, how hard or easy things are, I can sit with God in church and feel at home.

I think we all need a home away from home. A safe place that reminds us of who we were, who we are and where we are going. A place that reminds us that no matter how good or bad life gets there is a constant in our lives that keep us on the straight and narrow. As if it grounds us and pushes us forward
 ... For me, that home is church. What's yours?

A New Home

A long time ago I started a series entitled "Home". I abandoned the series due to a lack of direction and inspiration, but after some encouragement to revisit the series and after moving into a new home, I am back here in this theme called "Home". It's interesting how themes come in and out of my life. Please tell me that themes come and go for you too.

My new home is very different from my old home. For years I lived in this tiny little duplex and it fit my needs nicely. It was tiny, cozy, full of time and memories. I had few complaints. But as life changed, so did my desires and my needs. My brother moved in so I needed more space. I wanted to start having friends over. I started to feel like change was needed in order to keep my mind healthy. My home started to feel like it was cramping me. It didn't fit me anymore. Honestly, it took me a while to be alright with that fact, but eventually I started to look for a new home. A home to shelter a different Sheila. A home that could help me grow and change and be who I am.

Now I live in a home. I mean, it's literally a residential home with a front yard and a backyard. I have a deck and a tire swing. I have a fireplace that I love and a dinning room where my beautiful table hosts more than 2 people. My new home fits me now. It fits me in a way that I didn't know I needed. It's giving me new life, a fresh mindset. I'm living life again and my home has helped me in that journey. I never realized how much a home could help give new life.

 There will always be memories from my old place. Just because I don't fit there anymore doesn't make it any less of a home,  it's just not the home I need now.

Allowing myself to change was the first step to my new home.
Now learning to live in it is my next, but it fits me so I'm not worried.

Dear Gratitude...

Dear Gratitude,

You and I have had quite a few ups and downs over the course of the year. There have been many times where you and I have been in agreement and a lot of other times where we have been at odds. Yet even in my stubborn tantrums, unwilling to acknowledge you, you have always been steadfast. Do you remember the times where friends have moved on and yet I remain? You reminded me to give thanks because new friends were bound to come. What about when it was time to make a shift in my career? You reminded me that I was still well taken care of. Remember our trip to the Philippines? You smacked me over the head, "Hello Sheila, your life is beautiful!" Or what about the times where I was unsure what road to take? You were there to remind me that God was faithful in the past and he will direct my path in the future.

You were a constant whisper during some of the most difficult times. You've taught me that no matter what highs or lows come, life is endurable, even enjoyable, with you by my side. Peace flows from you; hope and love are your friends. Life is well lived in your company. You are as faithful as a sunrise or sunset. You bring color to my black and white. You bring life to the dead.

So on this Thanksgiving day, thank you, gratitude. Please always be near and may I never forget the power of your friendship in my life.

Sincerely,
S

... Keeping me up.

Writing, specifically blogging, has been on my mind lately. (It really has been far too long since my last post.)

I'll have a thought that will wake me up in the middle of the night and then I think, "you should blog about that", but the next morning I wake up and the thought is gone. I know that it means that I'm stuck in my head again; ideas, worries, hopes, all swirling around at odd hours of the night. I'm sure this has happened to you once or twice. For me, I find that writing is the best way to get it all out.

So I guess I'll just consider this a "dump" post; dump all my thoughts onto this page. (Maybe if I dump it all into this writing then they won't wake me again. ...A girl can hope at least.)

So here it goes. Thoughts or questions that run through my head... keeping me up late at night:

1) How do we know if we are doing what we are suppose to (career wise)? Do we ever really find the "right" career or job that fits us perfectly?

2) God, do you hear me? I know you are there, but why are you so quiet?

3) Love. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time. Why do we hurt the people we love the most? Why do we give up so easily? If it is so beautiful, why do we let the selfish fighting get in the way? It seems like we lose sight of the beautiful so quickly.

4) Should I buy a house or keep renting? "Stick it to the man" Buy!... but wait, buying a house is so much of a commitment and responsibility.

5) And why is commitment so hard for some of us? ...To commit to a future and be sure of it while others fear they may miss out on something better if they settle for the present.

6) Most of all, God, can you help me to let go of what I can't control and help me to not worry about what you already have planned? Can you help me to trust?

Perhaps you've had similar questions and thoughts keep you up at night.
I'm curious, do you eventually find answers? and if you do, do you find that another series of questions slowly start creeping in?