It was my prayer that by the end of the school year I would be able to secure a full time teaching position. I had high hopes when I was called in for an interview for a part time teaching position with Cole Valley Christian and a separate interview with a boys ranch just outside of Boise. I thought for sure that the Lord would provide through one of these two positions; even though I wasn't terribly excited about teaching only part time and the boys ranch would have been quite a new challenge. Even still, I had an open mind and was willing to go with it if that was the Lord's provision. I just wanted to be teaching again.
As most of you know, I did not receive either of those positions. What you may not know is that the week following both of those let-downs, I hit a pretty big wall. I was frustrated with God, unsure of his provision, scared of the unknown, and most of all feeling purposeless. My poor husband tried his best to reaffirm me and encourage me, but, truly, nothing he could say or do helped the situation. I just felt so low.
At the end of that week, Mike decided to take the day off of work to help take my mind off of life. We went for a bike ride, went to ice cream and just talked. When Mike leads rafting trips, he always asks the group a question to gage their spiritual state, so he asked me the same question. "If Jesus were in this boat with you, would he be guiding the boat, sitting next to you, or sitting in the hills?" My response, "I know that Jesus is guiding my boat, but I feel like he isn't even in the hills." Later I realized that that was a lesson Jesus was trying to teach me; the difference between relying on what I know to be true verses what I feel to be true.
That same night after our bike ride, I came home to message on my phone. It was the principle of Cole Valley Christian school asking if I would come in for an interview for a FULL time teaching position! She also mentioned that we would be talking about "the spiritual side of this job". For the first time in my life I was nervous to talk about "spiritual things". God and I weren't on good terms and even though I knew what God was trying to teach me, I felt like I was in a dessert without water. I had no idea how I would be able to talk about God or anything good that he was doing in my life.
In the interview, the first thing the man said was, "I have reviewed your application, resume, and letters of recommendation. Honestly, it all looks perfect and we aren't in the business of hiring perfect teachers. Tell me about a time in your life where you have struggled, doubted, and not been on good terms with God." It was in that moment I knew why God had allowed me to struggle so much the previous week. I looked at the man with tears in my eyes and I said, "I'm there right now. I am learning to rely on what I know to be true rather than what I feel to be true. But to be quite honest, it sucks."
The next day I was offered the job! I couldn't help but laugh. God had brought me to a low, I believe, because if I hadn't come to that low, I would have walked into that interview and would have pretended to be the "perfect" teacher. Funny, that's not what they were looking for. (Thankfully).
To add to this God story: It was last spring when I subbed for a teacher at Cole Valley. As I sat at this teacher's desk and looked around the room, I got this feeling in my spirit that that room would become my classroom. At the time I had no reason to think that and chalked it all up to wishful thinking. Yesterday I received my room assignment and NO joke---it is that exact room! God is CRAZY awesome. Sometimes it just takes longer...in his timing and sometimes we just have to be quiet, listen, and choose to follow even when we don't feel like it!
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