Brain Charge

I do this activity called a "brain charge" with my students ever so often. I usually end up doing it on days where they trample into the classroom hyped up on Mountain Dew and ambitiously talking about the new "drama" (or so they call it) of the week. The idea for the activity came to me one day last year when it seemed like the world (or more like, my junior high world) constantly screamed white noise at me all day long. It was as if no matter how much I searched for a moment of stillness, my mind continued to rush on, thinking and worrying about a million things a minutes. Looking back, I will admit that my desire to implement the "brain charge" was purely selfish. I just wanted a moment to turn my mind off, to silent the white noise and to simply, be still. I mean, really when you think about it, how often do you turn your mind off ....literally willing it to think or worry about nothing?

"Today we are going to do an activity called a "brain charge," I say as cunningly as possible, trying to make it sound cooler than it actually is. "How often do we quiet our minds, turn off all the drama, gossip, insecurities or worries that we have swirling around in our brains and just, be still?" I ask as I walk over to the lights and turn them off. The kids giggle and fidget in their seats. "Close your eyes, put your head on your desk and be still for 3 minutes."

The first few times we did the activity, it was clear that the students had to try really hard to not talk, laugh or squirm in their seats. Being still was a discipline that they had to practice. However, by the end of the year, they would come into class asking and sometimes even begging for a brain charge. It was a discipline they had grown to appreciate. A discipline they realized that was important in life.

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Yesterday in the dark, crisp morning I fumbled into my car and revved the engine wishing that the car would warm up a little quicker. As I sat there waiting for the windows to clear, I reached for the radio. I will admit to being a lover of loud music as I drive. Yet, as I reached for the radio the words, "brain charge" came to mind and I hesitated to turn on the music. Just be still, Sheila, I thought to myself. Why do you always have to fill the silence with noise? And so I drove to work in complete and utter silence.

It was that silent drive that made me wonder how much I miss by covering it up with noise. How many quiet moments of realization, self discovering, or whatever that I miss because I feel the need to have a loud life. By the end of the drive, I decided to challenge myself to one month of silence. One month of quiet as I drive. Quiet to be still, to find my thoughts, to ponder and reflect on life's precious moments, but mostly, to hear the whispers of God that, so often, the noise covers up. It is true, God is constantly calling after us, it's just that so often our lives are too noisy to hear him.

Perhaps it is said best with this quote,"There is hardly ever a complete silence in our soul. God is whispering to us incessantly. Whenever the sounds of the world die out then we hear these whisperings of God. He is always whispering to us, only we do not always hear because of the noise, hurry, and distraction which life causes as it rushes on." -Frederick Faber

Yesterdays.

Isn't it funny how the older we get, the easier it is to look back on life and to think to ourselves, "gosh, I had it easy. If only I knew then how easy it really was." And then 5 years pass and we look back again and think the same thing all over again. Yet in the present, we look to the future and when that future gets here, we end up looking at the past. Finally, we find ourselves old and, hopefully, wise and we end up dreaming about the good ol' days all over again.

I find myself in that same mind set a little more each day... wishing that I could have realized back then how good I had it and thinking that this "adult life" is so much harder than anyone ever warned me it would be. As if all my dreams of what could be were eventually replaced with practical "adult matters".
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School started last week. Wednesday morning came quickly and the halls filled with laughter and nervous energy. I stood at my door and welcomed my new students. My little 7th graders, smaller than ever, they seemed. They walked hesitantly into my room with eyes wide and books held close. I would like to think that I'm not a scary teacher. I welcomed them with a smile and used a very cheerful voice, but the newness of a big high school would have intimidated any new student.

The bell rang and I took attendance. Everyone was here and I began going through my syllabus. I started talking about how reading, books, and words can change the world. How these little 7th grade kiddos have the power to change the world; not tomorrow, not five years from now, but today. I said it all with such confidence because I really do believe it for them. I do believe that they each have the power to change the world, that the world is theirs to do as God leads. As I stood there in front of those wide eyed children, this innocent truth slammed me in the chest: you believe this for them, why don't you believe this for yourself? Why don't you believe that today matters and with God's help, you can change the world?

I went home that night feeling restless, feeling like my hard "adult life" had taken my dreams and shattered them. As if this thief called life had taken my dreams, my hopes, and my chance of making a difference and thrown them far into the sea. I found myself looking back to the yesterdays of long ago, and wanting so badly to cling to the good ol' days.... yet I knew I couldn't. The easy days of my childhood were memories; memories that made me who I am today. Those memories left marks and scars, both good and bad and today I am Sheila because of them. While it was comforting to relive the good ol' days in my mind, I realized that I needed to find that thief that had stolen my dreams. I needed to track down my chances to make a difference. I needed to start believing in what I want so badly for my students to believe; that today matters and that, with God's help, I can change the world.

What You Love

I have always enjoyed writing; more as something I do to get life out on paper rather than as a hobby or a "dream career". Yet, in the last year I have stopped writing. Why do we do what we don't want to do and we don't do what we want to do? I went to a writer's workshop a couple of weekends ago and I was reminded of why I love to write; it makes the world make sense... at least for a moment. So here I am, back to blogging, not really hoping that anyone will read this but rather as a commitment to do what I love. The following poem is a rough draft of something I wrote at my workshop. I will be honest, it's kind of intimidating posting "creative" writing... but it's a step towards doing something I love.

What if

What if all the angels

        throughout the world

were visible -to be seen clear as day

What if hundreds of thousands of angels

         walked the streets for all to see

Would we see babies rescued from burning homes

          cars detoured from head-on collisions

          men and women healed of cancer

What if all the angels

         throughout the world

         sat down with us and told us their stories

Would we hear of an army of angels protecting our kids

          from massive school shootings

          an angel whispering breath into a panicked mother

          or gently delivering peace to a stressed out father

Would we see streets filled with angels

          illuminating in unforeseen colors -orange, red, gold

Would we begin to relax in peace

          -solitude

Would streams of thankful tears fall upon us

          as we rest in the truth that we are protected

          taken care of

Would we see a sliver of Heaven fall upon us

          giving us strength to press on

          pushing our eyes Heaven bound

          anxious for home.