Popular

Popular. It’s not new. It’s not suddenly hipster or relevant. It’s a desire we all have; to be liked, accepted, and simply, loved. It’s not bad to long for it all; since the beginning of time the desire has been there. Each of us hopes to be good at something, to be noticed as the expert, or maybe just noticed. With social media in overdrive we self promote, constantly trending and I wonder if we are tired yet. I wonder if we are ready to let it go and to just be.

It’s a cycle; a vicious cycle and I feel caught in it no matter how much I fight it. Maybe you can relate. It goes like this. I’ve lived my life as an average girl, good at most things but not really great at much of anything. I get by, I fake it when I feel like I can’t make it and I find myself searching for something to be great at. Searching for something that sets me apart as different, unique, or even talented. Yet, I’ve discovered that the harder I try to find what I’m good at, the more I lose myself. I lose myself to culture, media, television, music, computers, friends and the list goes on. Because here is the thing, we live in a day where being edgy, independent, and unique is the new cool and we are all in this race to seek after it; to be noticed.

Then I sit in the quiet, in the small moments when no one else is around and the question comes rushing in. Who are you? It’s that darn word: “popular” that messes with me. I fumble through life pretending I know what I am doing, hoping to be liked because on the inside, who I really am is just an average, dorky girl pretending to be a big deal when really I’m  just looking for a little love. Sometimes I think it’s just me that has weird issues, which very well could be true. Then I have a moment with a friend, an acquaintance, or someone I have just met. I look into their eyes and even though they are dressed to fit the part, hair manicured perfectly and pasted smile, I see them. I see that they are just like me; longing to love and be loved. Longing to let their average, dorky, not that big of a deal personality dance free and to see and experience somebody else in the same condition. It’s in that moment I feel relieved that I might be normal and for a moment, I feel like I have broken free of that vicious cycle. I let go of the constant pursuit to be great, cool, liked or whatever and I rest in not being a big deal. Because there is the answer to that question: who am I? I’m just Sheila, an average, dorky girl who longs to love and be loved and to dance free alongside everyone else. My guess is that’s the answer for most of us.