Breaking Down the Cycling World

Let’s just start out by saying, I’m not a cyclist. Some days I pretend to sort of know what I’m doing so I “gear up” and hit the Green Belt. On ambitious days, I hit the road! Don’t get me wrong, I love to ride my bike! It makes me feel free and in some ways it helps my ‘good girl’ tendencies to feel a little rebellious. Riding my bike is great. I just don’t ride my bike with the sole-purpose of trying to kill myself. {Insert silly emoji face to let you know that I’m jokingly sarcastic. Sort of.}

With all that said, I have, ironically, found a few of my summer weekends have been spent hanging out with cyclists. (Remember, I’m not one.) It is a love/hate relationship(s). Let’s be real. I’m the kind of girl that loves a leisurely walk in the forest or sitting in the sun enjoying a good book. Cyclists (mountain bikers to be exact) are amped up people. Ambitious; excited; ready to crush it kind of people. I think they all have a little crazy in them.

So let me tell you a little story. 

It all started out with a simple, “yes”. Michael, my boyfriend, is one of those types I just described. He murders the single track trails as often as possible, and I mean that in the most positive way possible. Every year he does this race called 9-5. It’s a local race for most people who live in the Boise area. I’ve been to it before and it’s one of the more fun races. The goal of the race is to slay this loop at Jug Mountain. They race as hard as they can for 8 hours straight. Coming from non-mountain bike girl, I find it insane to stay on your bike for 8 hours…. I mean, let’s be honest, when do you pee? When do you eat? When do you enjoy the forest beauty? And above all, how does your butt handle all the bump, pop, and lock? But aside from all those wonders, Michael needed “pit support” because he’s one of the crazies that goes for 8 hours straight. His proposal went a little something like,

“Will you be my pit girl?”

“Yes! I can be your pit girl! I would love to help!” I said.

“You know this is a big deal. I’m not going to be able to talk to you much and you are really going to have to be on your game to help me with what I need!”

“I need to be on my game to give you a water bottle….?!?!” I asked slightly confused. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I can handle it!”

“Oh and there are a couple other guys who could really use your help too…..”

“Hmm. Ok. Really, how hard can it be to give a couple dudes water bottles?!”

“Just realize that this is serious stuff!” He said with finality.

L.O.L

“Yea….. ok. Serious stuff.”

Can I just insert a few comments here about the weird ways of mountain bikers?! You would think it’s just water bottles that these athletes fret about…. But oh no! There are water bottles with just water, some have these weird energy tabs, others have this EVIL powder stuff. Yes, it is really called EVIL. And let’s not forget, the bottles go in a certain order. I mean, you can’t just give them in any order or their laps are done for! On top of the water bottles, there are the bike things and lubes for the chains, tubes for the tires, forks for the …. I don’t know. And don’t forget, this is all serious stuff! Followed by the nutrition. A peanut butter sandwich on the 3rd lap. Potato chips on the 4 and 9th lap. The glorious coke hand up at the end. The list goes on. Did I mention, it’s serious stuff? Cyclists are HIGH maintenance!  

So, about the race. Yep, I was pit girl. I got serious, detailed instructions of how to care for a couple of the guys on the team. They said they didn’t care if the bottles weren’t completely right, but that was a complete lie and I knew it. I didn’t understand how with such an easy task -water bottle hand ups- I was so nervous.

Then there was the race. Here is the fast version:

Lap 1: They flew through smoking fast, but I was ready for them. Phew! Hand ups completed. I got this!

Lap 2: Hand up 1. Check. Hand up 2. Michael yelled, “What’s in this bottle?!” I mean what kind of question is that? It’s a WATER bottle. My response, “Vodka!”

Lap 3: I quickly realized that a few more guys on the team were struggling and needed some pit girl intervention. I was on it.

Lap 4,5,6: Lap times started to slow down and my interest started to fade. How many more hours?! And seriously, why are their butts not aching?! Then I saw it: one of the racers running over to the porta potty with Butt Cream in his hand. Well, I guess some guys have issues.

Lap 7: Uh oh. Mechanical issue with Michael’s bike. “Can you help me get that (I don’t remember what he called it) off?” He hollered. Um, seriously…. I had no idea what he was talking about! “Can you get me the stuff? Why isn’t the stuff out?” Again…. I had no idea what he was talking about!

Lap 8: One of the other team guys rolled in looking whipped! This was Cory, the fearless leader of the team. I wasn’t quite sure how to help him, but he looked like he needed some serious love. I confidently said, “Can I get you anything?! Shake it off. Just shake it off.” I kid you not, this was his mumbled response, “Sing me some Taylor Swift!” L.O.L Did he just say that? And will he remember what he said later?

Lap 9: I was killing this pit girl job.

Lap 10: The glorious coke hand up. All men thought I was an angel.  

Lap 11: The only Eastside team member to complete this lap: Markzilla! Yes, that is what he calls himself. I think it’s because he thinks he’s beastly… I’m not sure though. I just go along with it.

Everyone else was sitting in camping chairs, mud on their faces, looking absolutely destroyed.

And DONE! YES!

Here is where my relationship with cycling turns from a love of helping others to a pure, genuine hate. You would think after the race is done that these athletes would be so tired of being on the bike for 8 hours that the last thing they would want to do is talk about the bike at all. Yep. Nope. In fact, the bike talk, ego talk, smack talk, whack talk increased at this point.

Here is an example of what I’m up against every time (with maybe a little sarcasm sprinkled in for humor’s sake).

“Yea, I uh really went to a dark spot lap 8…. I had to take a shot of pickle juice and amp it up. I mean, the pickle juice didn’t kick in right away… but once it did it…. don’t worry, I’m 50, my joints are wrecked, but I feel awesome!”

Say what?!?! I smiled and nodded. I mean, I tried to smile and nod.

Finally, thank the Lord, the evening came to an end and I was able to relax. The day, the events, were all completed, but most importantly, my skills as pit girl had become pretty pro and I had the team Eastside shirt to show it. The guys were all sweet to say thank you and they were quite genuine. Cory even gave me a team shirt :). I’m now officially part of the team. Go Eastside!

Like I said, my relationship with cycling and this people group is a love/hate. The hate comes and goes depending on the idiosyncrasies of the athletes and the length of the day, but the love is real too. The love comes from learning new things, cheering on people that inspire me, serving others who need help, and finding new friendships that make me laugh. The cycling world is a weird world that I never thought I would be apart of, but it’s a community of people that genuinely care about each other and push to make each other better. That’s a pretty cool world to me. With all sarcasm aside, I am happy to “pit girl” for these crazies any day.

**Side note: Make sure to tune in next time for some road cycling commentary. I can’t forget you, “roadies”. Is it Twilight Criterium time, yet?! ;)**