People Matter, Right?!

I just got off the phone with an old friend from way back in the day. It had been at least 6 months since we last caught up. We each gave the run down on life: family, kids, health, job, etc. All the normal stats that we wanted to hear about in each others lives. Children are growing up (hers that is -just to clarify), jobs are as stressful as ever and we are now to the age where we have to update on surgeries and health complications -yikes!

Life keeps on keeping on.

Then we stumbled onto an interesting conversation (not to say that the other stuff wasn't interesting... but this had a different kind of meaning to me).

We began to talk about all the old friends we had in common. We gave each other updates on the ones we still kept in contact with and then we started to hit on something else. We slowly drifted into talking about the friends that had fallen out of touch with us (or maybe we had fallen out of touch with them... who could really keep track?).

A slight tone of sadness loomed over the conversation. Perhaps it was hurt feelings or envy for the life where you don't get hurt when friends don't reply, nevertheless, there was sadness in the conversation. There was hurt in losing friendship. We debated on why it was that we lost touch with friends or better yet, why friends lost touch with us. We finally gave reasons to appease our sadness:

I know life is busy.

We all have our own lives now.

Well, we can't do everything in life.

It's all about priorities.

Seasons. There are seasons of friendship.

We finished the call by encouraging each other and reminding each other that, while it had been a while since our last catch up, we still appreciated each other's friendship.

I guess I sit here reflecting on the phone call with a certain sadness and longing to enjoy "the good ole days", but honestly, more than that, I miss the days when people were important.
-More important than a list of things that need to get done.
-More important than uploading cool pics to Facebook (I am very guilty!).
-More important than a cool Netflix show (me + guilty = a lot of wasted hours).
-More important than texting (I often count that as "keeping in touch").
-More important than white noise busyness.
-More important than -fill in the blank-

I can't tell if it is just my season of life, our ever changing culture, our need to dull the pain of stillness and loneliness or what, but I seriously miss the days when busyness wasn't an excuse and the need for people was real.

I can't be alone in this, am I? Do you feel this? ...This insanity called life that overtakes what really matters most.

Even still, it's easy to write a rant post and to go off on all the things that are wrong with this world, so instead, I will end with this.

I tell my students: WE are the change. YOU have the power to make a difference. And so I say to myself and everyone out there in blog world:

Let's be the difference.
Let's live in a way where people are important.
Where we see our friends face to face, where we carve out time to laugh and cry with the ones we love, Where we reply to the sweet messages we've been meaning to reply to.
Where we see people before we see our 'to do list'.
Where we follow up and make time.


Let's live like people matter.

New

I walked into church last week trying to sneak in without getting caught by the greeter. I really hate forced conversation, but the ambitious greeter found me and handed me a piece of paper with a word on it. Every week they hand out slips of papers, most of the time there is a verse on it. This week it was just one word with the definition on it.

NEW

I glanced at it and knew immediately that this word was meant for me.

I found a seat in the back of the room and began to really study the word.

"New: recently born, built, or created"

I thought about how the next day I was starting a NEW job, a new teaching endeavor. I thought about how I'm nervous and excited. Hesitant and scared to fail . Reserved and cautious. To be honest, more of me was feeling apprehensive instead of excited and passionate.

"New" -It's such a beautiful word that offers so much potential, but for me, in that moment, it was a word that stirred up fear more than potential. What if I fall on my face? Fear. What if I suck? Fear. What if "new" means changes that I don't like? Fear. And my mind continued to run in a million different directions, as it always does.

Later in the week I was driving to school; it's a little commute, so I had time to think and pray. I was feeling overwhelmed and so I found myself thinking, "God, I don't know that I've got this. I don't know what's in front of me and that freaks me out. I have so many things to work on and trust you with.... I'm not good at this."

I looked out over the open fields where the sun was peeking over the horizon. The sun was enormous and beautiful. It was bright orange because of all the forest fire smoke in the valley. Suddenly it came to me,

"You are being made NEW every day. It's part of growing up. It's a good thing, not something to be feared. It means that you are growing, changing, living, learning, being built and created. Embrace NEW. You want to be NEW, Sheila." God has a way of doing that -slapping me over the head with obvious truth that somewhere along the road I've forgotten. New isn't to be feared, it's to be celebrated!

So I'm going to embrace NEW this year. It's going to be my theme for the year (in and outside of my classroom). I mean what can it hurt? If I become a newer, better version of Sheila than it is worth it. God is trying to make me new every day, why not lean into it...

...really, Sheila, with God making you new, the potential is endless....and it's going to be beautiful...

as it is for all of us.

A Glimpse at a Time

Well hello again.

God has done a lot since the last time I was here. I'm not sure the best way to recap it all. Let's say, I've seen a lot of beautiful scenery. Rolling hills. Glowing green mountains. Fuchsia pink sunsets. Mighty trees. Vast lakes. A little Heaven on Earth -Idaho is like this and I'm becoming an Idaho girl a little more every day. I'm sure my Idaho ancestors would be proud.

I've met new people. Made new friends. Found laughter with many of them and have new memories to share with them. My old friends are still here too. I think I'm learning to open up a little more every day. I kind of feel like it's hard to do that as adult, but I'm learning to let go and let others in. It's a glimpse of beauty, really.

I have a new job! I'm a teacher; a job I was unsure of, but a career that is a way of life. I know I was made for it. I'm excited to have my own classroom again. It's the one thing I'm positively sure of in my life. I am a teacher. I was made for this. I can't run from it. It is inside of me. Always.

Most of all, I think God is teaching me that with patience comes beauty. He reminds me that in waiting, beautiful things spring to life. It's kind of like my adventures. I went hiking with a friend and on both of our hikes I settled for a pretty view rather than the beautiful view. I needed to be a little more patient for the real beauty to come into focus.

~ ~ ~

"Alyssa, these waterfalls are pretty! Let's eat lunch here!" I say with contentment.

"The map says that if we keep hiking for a little longer, there is supposed to be a better view. Something more beautiful!"

I roll my eyes, "Are you sure?"

"Come on, Sheila, let's keep hiking. It's going to be beautiful!"

A much better view indeed! Stories of falling water, tumbling over rocks and crashing to the river below.

"Wow! Now this is gorgeous!"

~ ~ ~

It's just like that hike for me. I settle for pretty when God wants to give me beautiful! He whispers,

Keep going, Sheila. Don't settle for the pretty view when the beautiful one is around the corner. Keep hiking.

So I do and God gives me a little glimpse of beautify just as I start to question.Whether it be a glimpse of beauty in the mountains, an exchanged smile with a friend, an "ah ha" moment with a student, or growth and love in a relationship. God is always giving us beauty a bit at a time... so to you, reading this, Keep hiking! The road may be long, but I promise the beauty is waiting for you! One glimpse at a time.

Hope looks something like this...

Hope. 

It's something I'm learning a lot about. It's a word our culture tends to throw into the wind like it's an average one dollar bill. It's part of our every day language. My guess is that it is used almost as often as the word love, yet, like love, it is a word that conveys great depth.

We say things like "I hope I get a bonus this month" or "I hope you have a good day".  "I hope you feel better" or "hopefully we will get there on time". Hope has become this ambiguous, boring word without the deep meaning. All this to say, hope has become so much more to me than a boring word we use so often. 

Hope is what is pushing me through unexpected life change. 

It's what reminds me that God has a beautiful plan in store. 

Hope is the air I breathe. 

The life I live. 

The laughter in my soul. 

Hope is being thankful for the beautiful life I've been given even when things don't go to plan.

God has given me a renewed sense of hope and he's done it through what I call the "beautifuls" in life.

It's in the everyday things; the things I quickly take for granted. It's the simple things which scream hope to me.

What does hope look like for you?

Tandeming Through Fallen Chains

The season has turned, the flowers have bloomed, and the air is finally warm. It's been perfect weather for riding a tandem bike. So the other day my boyfriend thought it would be a great idea to take the tandem on a longer ride on Hill road (a road that a lot of Boise cyclists ride). Of course it was a great idea and I was excited for the adventure! We were ready to be legit tandem(ers) (Yes, that's right, I just said tandemers). So we hit the road with our vintage, blue tandem.

Can I just say that we looked good! I think we even got a few hoops and hollers from motorists and pedestrians. There is just something about two people on one bike that puts a smile on spectators' faces. The first few miles were beautiful! We rode free and clear. Nothing was going to stop us! Wind in our hair. Fresh air on our faces. Freedom on the bike!

And then the chain fell off. Awesome.

We had ridden before where the chain had fallen off so we were not surprised, but seriously? How annoying! Especially after the momentum we had just gained! Thanks to Michael's handy, bike-mechanic skills, he was able to get the chain back on and off we went. 

Wind in our hair. Fresh air on our faces. Speed! Freedom! Laughter!

And then the chain fell off. Again.

We pulled over and I couldn't help but laugh. It seemed impossible for us to get anywhere on the old, rickety tandem. So Michael wrenched on the bike and I sat and laughed.

~ ~ ~ 

To be honest, in the midst of all the fun bike rides, this week has actually been pretty difficult. I kind of feel like my chains in life have completely fallen off and I'm not really sure how to put them back on. My brother moved back to his home town and I lost my job all within 24 hours. The questions of what next... now what... where are you going... what are you doing next....

all thrown on my door step, uninvited. 

Right when I was starting to get traction, momentum, wind in my hair... 

My chains in life fell off. 

~ ~ ~

Michael was able to get the chain back on and again we hit the road. As we rode a little longer, it became pretty obvious what the problem was. Whenever we rush it, went too fast, or hit a bump too hard, the chain fell off. We had to go slow and steady. Once we realized the problem, we got into a groove, "Slow, slow, slow! We don't have to rush! We don't have to push the bike faster than it can handle. Slow and steady! It's a leisurely bike ride," we would remind each other as we started to gain speed. It was pretty clear that the bike was strong enough to handle the ride, we just had to go slow and steady. We couldn't rush it. We couldn't get impatient. We had to take the road at a slow, steady pace. 

The chain stayed on the rest of the ride and we were able to get to our destination, even with some great laughs along the way.

~ ~ ~

And so I remind myself: I've had some set backs. My chain has unexpectedly fallen off, but just as I learned to ride the tandem ~slow and steady~, I can slowly ride my way through questions and life's unexpected bumps and turns. It may be a bumpy road, but if I take it slow and steady, I'll eventually make it to where I'm going... and perhaps I'll even be able to laugh about it.

Home away from Home

I'll admit it, since I've moved to Boise going to church has been a hit or miss kind of happening. But let me tell you, growing up as a PK (pastor's kid), I was at church all the time. I was the kiddo that ran around the church like she owned the place and to be honest, I kind of felt like I did. For years church was my second home. Any time I felt lost or alone, church always helped me feel found again. Sometimes it was about the people. Sometimes it was the sermon. But then there were other times when I sat in a pew in the quiet of the sanctuary with just me and God and I strangely felt at home. You know that feeling like no matter what is going on in the world outside, somehow you know you will be alright because you are home.

I've lost that feeling over the years. Blame it on age. Blame it on distractions of life. Blame it on what I may, I haven't felt at home at church for a long time...

Until this morning...

I visited my friend's church. There was nothing special about the building, the people, or the sermon (sorry), but this morning I was reminded of that feeling. I was reminded that no matter how crazy life gets, how hard or easy things are, I can sit with God in church and feel at home.

I think we all need a home away from home. A safe place that reminds us of who we were, who we are and where we are going. A place that reminds us that no matter how good or bad life gets there is a constant in our lives that keep us on the straight and narrow. As if it grounds us and pushes us forward
 ... For me, that home is church. What's yours?

A New Home

A long time ago I started a series entitled "Home". I abandoned the series due to a lack of direction and inspiration, but after some encouragement to revisit the series and after moving into a new home, I am back here in this theme called "Home". It's interesting how themes come in and out of my life. Please tell me that themes come and go for you too.

My new home is very different from my old home. For years I lived in this tiny little duplex and it fit my needs nicely. It was tiny, cozy, full of time and memories. I had few complaints. But as life changed, so did my desires and my needs. My brother moved in so I needed more space. I wanted to start having friends over. I started to feel like change was needed in order to keep my mind healthy. My home started to feel like it was cramping me. It didn't fit me anymore. Honestly, it took me a while to be alright with that fact, but eventually I started to look for a new home. A home to shelter a different Sheila. A home that could help me grow and change and be who I am.

Now I live in a home. I mean, it's literally a residential home with a front yard and a backyard. I have a deck and a tire swing. I have a fireplace that I love and a dinning room where my beautiful table hosts more than 2 people. My new home fits me now. It fits me in a way that I didn't know I needed. It's giving me new life, a fresh mindset. I'm living life again and my home has helped me in that journey. I never realized how much a home could help give new life.

 There will always be memories from my old place. Just because I don't fit there anymore doesn't make it any less of a home,  it's just not the home I need now.

Allowing myself to change was the first step to my new home.
Now learning to live in it is my next, but it fits me so I'm not worried.